Friend Who Lost 7 lbs Now Expert Dietitian..

Bob Cazwood is ready to share his secrets to weightloss with all of those around him… wether they want to hear it or not.

(Mentor, OH) — At 5’9 and 220 lbs, 44 year old Bob Cazwood is proud to share how he recently lost 7 lbs. “You just gotta start eatin’ right, man,” says Cazwood as he mixes Crystal Light in a pitcher that displays the cartoon character “Snoopy” donning a parka and sunglasses with the phrase “Too Cool for School”. “I was eating carbs all the time and I was just a disgusting pig,” Bob iterates as he dips a nacho into a vat of cheese with jalapeños, dropping some onto the crotch of his sweatpants.

“I know what you’re thinking: why is this guy eating jalapeños and nacho cheese? That’s not healthy!” I confess to Bob that nachos and queso is probably not the typical breakfast for a man on a diet. “Well, these nachos are low carb and have flax seeds in them – which means they’re good for you. And the jalapeños? Did you know jalapeños have twice the amount of vitamin C as oranges?” I reply that I do, in-fact, know that jalapeños contain a large amount of vitamin C, but reiterate that that Cheez-Wiz  is probably not very nutritional. “It’s dairy, ok?!” he snaps at me. “You need protein in your diet and that’s what the cheese is for!”

His close friend – Chris Hodson, sees Bob’s situation a little differently. “Bob is still technically overweight and he’s gonna gain it back anyways,” states Chris as he clicks through facebook pictures Bob has posted. “He does this every couple years. He eats horribly, then avoids carbs – loses a few pounds and then starts giving all of his friends advice on losing weight.” Chris sits up from his computer and walks across the room. “He thinks losing weight and being healthy are the same thing. He still eats food that is loaded with sodium and cholesterol, but in his mind: if there is some type of vegetable in the equation – it’s healthy.”

His brother, Steve  – also sides with Chris’ opinion. “It’s also a personality flaw – Bob loves playing expert on topics that he knows nothing about. He’s done it his whole life. When we were kids, he used to tell everyone he knew how to perform open-heart surgery simply from watching the television show E.R.”

“They just can’t accept the fact that I’ve lost weight and they haven’t,” states Bob as he cracks open a can of Coke Zero. “What’s the expression? Haters gonna hate?” I offer Bob my congratulations and ask if he has any future plans for keeping the weight off. “Gonna run a marathon this spring,” he quickly answers back, as he takes a slurp of cola with a blank expression on his face. I enquire if he has ever run a marathon before or even a half-marathon. “Nope. Never ran any type of race in my life, but I know I can do it.”

Full Time Fool

Full Time Fool has been with Moron Reviews since it's inception in 2015. He reports on music, craft brews and technology.

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