While television manufacturers apparently abandoned the format with 2016 models – Hollywood is still delivering the format to movie theaters worldwide. Is 3D really worth it? We’ve seen this fad come and go – it was called the 1980s. 3D movies aren’t the only horrid trend to be resurrected from the decade that told us acid washed jeans looked flattering and smoking on airplanes wasn’t a health hazard. We also have the resurgence of vinyl records, neon colored clothing, 12 bit video game arcades and those horrendous looking basketball shoes that looked like something suitable for walking on the moon.
The 3D craze may be finally coming to an end, but there is still time to catch the newest 3D flick at the theater. And why not save a cool $5 next time you purchase that 3d ticket? The first step is to simply attend any movie theater that is offering both 2D and 3D showings of your desired film. Walk up to the box office and purchase tickets to the 2D show, walk to the theater and simply stop at one of the 3D glasses recycling bins.
Reach into the bin and pull out a pair of 3D glasses. Now you’re recycling too! Be careful though, as I was surprised to find that lots of idiots like to throw their garbage into these 3D glasses recycling bins.
I mean, here I am trying to sneak into a movie and these people throw their trash into the recycling bins? How pathetic. And why buy those overpriced snacks when you could’ve easily snuck them in anyway? Way to go, Einstein. Nothing says “I’m a Bozo” like paying full price. And if you really want the full 3D experience – wait for the usher to ask to see your ticket stub and you will experience a vivid 3D experience as they toss you, head first, through double doors, and land into the back alley behind the theater, atop a dumpster full of rancid trash resembling the smell of month old cottage cheese in a used baby diaper. Ah, nothing like the theater is there?
The movie industry has suffered a drop in attendance over the last 10 years, pushing theaters to add amenities to lure in movie goers. Am I supposed to feel bad? Cause I don’t. The record and movie industry had its way with the consumer for decades and now the tables are finally turning. Cable is dying a slow miserable death as streaming services offer more than fair monthly plans and music has gone the way of free streaming services such as Pandora and Spotify.
Now that you’ve obtained your 3D glasses – you are ready to make your way to the showing in style. If the 3D movie doesn’t start for 15 minutes or so feel free to make your way into any theater and see what else is playing, or better yet – go to the actual 2D showing of the movie you purchased tickets for. You actually are entitled to walk into the movie you purchased tickets to – really.
Now that you are situated – feel free to remove the snacks that you’ve been concealing under your clothes. Sneaking snacks in nowadays isn’t the stress-free task it once was. Now people see you hiding something underneath a hoodie and they think you might be a terrorist smuggling a bomb or assault rifle. Terrorist even ruined the movies for everybody – THANKS A LOT, TERRORISTS!
It’s okay, if any of the movie theater employees start sweatin’ you about what you got under your hoodie, tell them you’re carrying something “explosive” underneath your clothes and then quickly reach for your pocket like you’re in a gun fight in an old spaghetti western, going for the “luck of the draw”. This will not alarm anyone, and then pull out a bag of pop rocks. They will surely get the joke and probably hi-five you before courteously showing you to your reserved seats.
Once the film is finished, feel free to take your 3D glasses with you. Most people are unware of the fact that 3D Glasses actually double as sunglasses so feel free to wear them as you drive home from the movie theater. The fact that they are 3D will make you even more alert of the vehicles driving towards you in the opposite lane. Well that’s all for now. Tune in next time for another “Moron Reviews: Life Hack.”
