Man Finds Life Changing Advice on “Big Johnson” T-Shirt

Elmer Jenkins finally found the advice he’s been lookin’ for…

(Jackson, MS) – A town that never asked, but was graced with Kid Rock writing a song in its honor, has a local man who has fallen on some tough times. Elmer Jenkins has been doing a lot of soul searching lately. Recently unemployed, Elmer has found himself in desperate times after a string of bad luck. “Well, my car died on me so I wasn’t able to drive to work which resulted in me losing my job,” said Elmer. “Which also resulted in my girlfriend breaking up with me…” Elmer stares off into the distance, with a look of recollection on his face as he leers out into nothing.

“But then I read something…” Elmer finally breaks the overly long silence with a look of certainty. “I done read it on a T-shirt of all places…” he states with a laugh. Elmer places his right hand out in front of him, as if framing the words right before him. “It said ‘If it has tits or tires… it’s gonna give you trouble.'” Elmer nods slowly letting those words of wisdom sink in while I sat there with my pen and paper, taking notes. “And then, on the other side of the shirt, it had this cartoon fella and above him it read “BIG JOHNSON”, I will never forgot those words as long as I live cause now… I get it.”

Elmer kicks a stone down the gravel road in a happy-go-lucky manner and marches off into the sunset, laughing. “Cause now… I get it.”

Full Time Fool

Full Time Fool has been with Moron Reviews since its inception in 2015.

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